One Comment

  1. I remember the first time I felt something…

    I suppose mine is a classic story – the baby sitter and the married couple. Only this was a little different, I guess. Looking back, there was a lot in this situation that was very nearly wrong, but in retrospect it is one of the most exciting things I remember of that time in my life. I was 17. It was the 1970s. There was a lot in the world that was on the edge of wrong.

    There was a couple that hired me to babysit – let’s call them Harrison and Charlotte. They were college professors. I met them because my neighbor Naomi – a single mother and also a college professor, was close friends with them and had referred me.

    I don’t exactly recall how it all came about, but I know that I was fascinated by them – the husband, the wife, my neighbor: they were intellectuals and I was at a stage where a larger-than-life life beckoned me fiercely – I was itching to be grown up. There were conversations, there was wine, there was pot, and I was ecstatic to be included.

    One evening I found myself having dinner at their place with them – the four of us, no kids. There were candles on the table, music in the background and I remember it was so warm in their apartment in contrast to the winter outside. I drank enough wine to feel completely uninhibited and adult. I recall that I was focused on Harrison, but as the evening progressed I found myself not only immersed in the softness of the evening, but also as an observer of the sexiness of it all – almost from a distance. It still remains vivid.

    Somehow, we were giving each other massages. I don’t recall how we got to it, but there we were – me sitting on the carpet and Harrison massaging my neck and shoulders: the two women were on the couch. Charlotte was rubbing Naomi’s feet, slowly, while Naomi sighed aloud. I was watching. I couldn’t look away. It was intoxicating and I let the sensation flow over me.

    I knew what I was feeling, but this was the first time I recalled feeling the pull, the arousal…because of a woman. I didn’t know where the evening was going, but I felt like I was a part of something special…larger than what my life had been until then. I’ve never forgotten it.

Leave a Reply