If you have to go to lesbian couples’ therapy in the first year you are in trouble.

When a relationship is new, let’s say at three months, you should still be lusting it up, feeling good, unable to get enough of each other. If, instead, you find yourself confronted by a demand for couples’ therapy six weeks into dating, then cut your losses.

Unless the sex is so incredible that you’re willing to endure a little twisting to keep getting some. Is it that sweet and tangy? Memorable? Distracting?  It better be.

Take my friend Steph. night_bus_quote_smallSteph was dating this woman…let’s call her Stormy.  Stormy blew into Steph’s life bringing a new outlook and a new pussy. Steph was just winding down a long, drawn-out breakup that left her bruised and parched.  Stormy was sexy, available and persistent.  There was lots of heavy breathing, stolen, steamy groping, unloosed desire with promises of more to come.  All good, right?  Not so.

You see, the dating (and doing) hit a wall when Stormy found that her sway over Steph was waning.  Steph began to emerge from the lust fog like a glutted vampire, long enough to pay a bit of attention to the rest of her life.  Alas, poor Stormy.

There was a fair amount of foot stomping, sulking and whining, for Stormy didn’t want Steph’s real life to usurp her status as the hot fling.  She tried pouting, cajoling and seducing, but honestly, Stormy didn’t bring a whole lot to the game beyond her newness.  In her diminished capacity, Stormy ratcheted up her efforts.  Since the sex had been so good at first, she decided to leverage it.

No more sex, she decreed.  No more until Steph agreed to…LESBIAN COUPLES’ THERAPY!

WTF?  A relationship, in my opinion, only merits this much work after you have invested heavily…say twenty years. Something really important has to be at stake.  Okay, so I’m a bit of a cynic.  My experience with couples’ therapy hasn’t been so successful – at saving relationships, anyway.

It has been successful in bringing enlightenment.  Healing. Therapy, if you’re lucky, may facilitate an epiphany, but that’s an ancillary reward.  Mostly, I view therapy as one partner’s attempt to gain validation of her own point of view…usually at the other one’s expense.

Think about it. You know you are right about fill-in-the-blank, but your girl just won’t see it your way. She won’t come one inch in your direction. So what do you do?  You find someone with a credential who will see your side of it – who will tell her you’re right, dammit. She will tell your girl that she must see things your way or the relationship is doomed.

Or some such drivel.

Relationships should be about uplifting you, enhancing your life…not creating more angst.  If you need to labor at it this much, this early, get out now. It’ll only get worse.

Steph, you ask?  She agreed to one session and went.  The therapist pointed out in no uncertain terms how mistaken Stormy was to manipulate Steph by withholding sex.  At the end of the session, Stormy drove off in a whirlwind of dust, blowing out of Steph’s life just as quickly as she blew in.

Lucky for Steph.

– angie bors

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